It has been almost exactly 9 months since we lost the Katmai and 7 of her crew.  It seems unbelievable that so much has happened since then.  Also hard to believe is the amount of healing that has occurred for me.  I was thinking the other day that it took 9 months for Carlos to be born, changing so many lives forever.  His smile, his sense of humor and his caring are sorely missed.  There have been so many times that I could not speak his name or even think about him without crying.  But lately those tears have started to be replaced by laughter again.  I have always known that this is what he would have wanted, and I struggled to try to make the transition sooner.  But somehow, I just wasn’t strong enough, or smart enough, or trusting enough to do so.  I feel that now I am starting to live again.  It ain’t fun sometimes, and it sure isn’t easy.  I’m trying, though. 

If you had told me back in October that I would feel this way I would have (and probably did) call you an unfeeling monster.  I could not understand how the world could move forward without my son in it.  I struggled to get up every day and go to work.  Some days I just couldn’t do it.  Gradually I have come to a new place in my life.  Someone told me recently that I have changed since October.  Yes, I have.  I will never be the same.  I can only hope that the 9 months I have spent getting to this place, this acceptance, will bring some sort of positive change to other lives.  It is, in a real way, a new life just as Carlos’ birth was a new life for him. 

I still wonder, I still worry and I still wait.  I hope for and dread the call saying they have found his remains.  One of the Alaska State Troopers told me that I obviously did not have any idea how large the area Carlos is lost in actually is.  I replied that he had no idea how large the space in my heart for my son actually is.  I hope to recover him someday, and that hope will never die.  I am grateful to have the Memorial site in Seattle with his name listed with the others lost at sea.  But I think you can all understand that while I was there, and plan to return, I do not actually FEEL him there.  I know he is at home in the Bering Sea.  That is where I hope to visit soon, to say some things that I want to say to Carlos just one more time. 

I am posting some photos of the Memorial in Seattle.  I hope if you find yourselves there, you will take the time to remember all of our lost seamen.  The website for the Memorial is:  www.seattlefishermensmemorial.org.  There is an annual ceremony in May at the pier for families to attend.  The service of remembrance is a wonderful experience.  I hope to see some of you there in the future.  I am hopeful that by next May, we will be dedicating a memorial tile for Carlos.

We are continuing to raise funds for the Katmai Memorial Fund.  I appreciate your donations, but I especially appreciate the words you have chosen to share about your loved ones.  I hope to have some of the thoughts posted soon on our site.

Thank you for everything. 
God bless us all.
Susan

Under six years old—$2,866

6-12 years old—$2,992

13-17 years old—-$4,081

The average also includes college students and adults going back to school in the mix.  We all know the cost of new shoes, backpacks, winter coats, clothing, school supplies, etc., goes up every year.

At the Katmai Memorial Fund, we are concerned that our families are facing this cost very soon.  We want to disburse our first funds prior to the new school year, and are still on track to do so.

If you know of a family that has lost a breadwinner to a commercial fishing accident, please help them contact us at the address above.  We want to help.

In addition, please encourage your friends and family to ‘friend’ us on FaceBook.   We need all the friends we can get for this new venture.

Thanks,

Susan

Allow me to introduce myself.  I am Susan E Layng, and my son, Carlos Martin Zabala perished during the sinking of the F/V Katmai in the Aleutian Islands on October 22, 2008.  We have never recovered his remains.

On October 31, 2008, I was speaking with Joe Blake, Captain of the Katmai on the phone.  He and I agreed that we are blessed to have four survivors from the sinking, and blessed also to have a new family made up of the families of the seven lost at sea.  We determined that day to set up a fund that would help our friends weather the new storm they faced in dealing with the loss of their sons, fathers, brothers, uncles and cousins.  After a delay caused by the legal intricacies of insurance and probate laws, we are now in a position to act on our beliefs.

We have gathered a Board of Directors for the Katmai Memorial Fund.  Those members include myself, Joe Blake, Roy Brown, Jessie Luther and Sig Hansen.  All members have a vital role to play in our organization.  I hope to be able to present the families’ concerns, Joe will champion the causes of the survivors and captains, and Mr. Brown brings a wealth of insurance knowledge to our team.  Ms. Luther is an attorney-at-law and will help safeguard us from the legal pitfalls we may face.  Mr. Hansen needs no introduction from me…he is, of course, Captain of F/V Northwestern and an advocate of safety in the fishing industry.

Our Board has every intention of being a hard-working, responsible panel dedicated to finding ways to ease the financial burden faced by families who are struck by a disaster in the commercial fishing industry.  We are enjoying broad-based support from individuals and corporations such as the Discovery Channel.  We hope to guarantee that this Fund is helping people for many years to come.

To that end, Joe has been fundraising while I am setting up the business end of the Fund.  We are soliciting donations of a computer and software for maintaining databases of donors and ensuring Federal compliance with tax laws.  If you have any information on helping us secure these or other donations, please contact us at the address above.

We are of course also soliciting donations of funds to keep the Fund moving forward.  Any donations are gratefully welcomed at P O Box 9787, Helena MT 59604.

We are also accepting written and photographic memorials of loved ones who perished to be posted to our website.  We look forward to your submissions!

God bless us all,

Susan

Even a penny or two would be greatly appreciated.

Donations can be sent to

The Katmai Memorial Fund

PO Box 9787

Helena, MT 59604.

info@thekatmaimemorialfund.org

The Katmai Memorial Fund has been set up to help the families of fisherman who are lost at sea. Each year fisherman perish at sea. Along with the pain of losing their fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, and loved ones, their families are suddenly financially insecure. This fund is source they can turn to as they get back on their feet financially since often they have nowhere else to turn.

Thank you,

Captain Joe Blake

Katmai